The scent of a drastically cooler summer day is what excites me the most. The thought of fall slowly approaching reminds me that school starts up again, but this time it's my final year. Senior Thesis concept paper, not typed yet all 3 albums are organized on my desktop overflowing with copious amounts of inspirations and curations that trigger my main them of "Death of Exposure". Essentially it's not about the trapped and poor celebrity dealing with fame and fortune, but the obsessive behavior we as individuals express when it comes to glorifying these pop celebrities. Not even pop, but political icons, religious icons, and it's us in fact that is dying, not the celebrity. They are doing exactly what I or you are trying to do. You find something you love doing, and you do it. Attention is not necessary.
I do feel though that as a visual artist, it's important to connect with the viewers spiritually and mentally, even emotionally because I've had a lot of experience to help channel all those feelings out. I have yet to decide which route to take, but somehow if I'm clever enough will tie all 3 together. But that's the general overview. I'm one who works hard for everything I do, I spend the majority of my life debating and defending my creations. I don't sit at a computer, I don't sit in a cubicle, I don't run errands on behalf of someone above me. I make my own art, make my own fashions, make my own life. I still have a stuffed animal that sits in the corner of my bed. It was a baby shower gift to my mom that was passed down to me that has always been on my bed since I could remember. Summer's a little shady this year around, and not shady in a good way. Been working crazy hours, been brainstorming a lot and almost fell in love. Fell in love with an idea that could potentially turn into something else but I'm tired of those feelings. Actually, I'm quite bored of them. Men. No one seems to understand my aesthetic which means two things. One being that my work, photos, writings are just not for everybody or two, maybe I need a better way of expressing what I've been trying to say all along. As an artist dealing with creative mediums whether it be film, paint, or a series of welded scraps of metal I've always had a provocative theme dealing with sexuality, gender role, and pop culture straddling the fence with religion and who should or shouldn't be viewing my work. I have a texture thing with food. I don't like yogurt, mayo, sour cream, butter. My stepdad used to eat torn pieces of lettuce with smeared mayo as a snack.
Disgusts me to this day. I watch way too many older films like Bringing up Baby, The Philadelphia Story, What's Up Doc? not because I was raised to watch those over regular t.v. but there's something about life and the lifestyles of people during that time that just doesn't seem to exist now. This entry is all over the place I know this. I wonder, who am I sometimes. I'll admit that the search for personal growth is still deep inside ready to burst out in flames. Full of inspirations, full of life and love and I know that it could still take some time. I walk around sometimes in the city feeling like I have a clear vision of what I do or who I am, but it's a lie. I don't know exactly, I just do the same repetitive routines. Wake up, go to work. Come home, masterbate. Sleep. Wake up, go to school. Go on a date. Come home, sleep. Never cook anymore. Cooking reminds me of my ex who LOVED to cook which is sacrificing my diet but I've learned to adapt to lots of pasta, sandwiches, and eating out. Eating greasy Chinese, pizza, etc. My mother would not be too pleased but I guess it's about time to start thinking of a healthier way of eating. Back to art though, I'm thinking about changing the way I express my art. Maybe art that isn't so much subjective with meaning, but art that has absolutely no meaning. Like sculptural pieces that can be made outside but made out of sticks, leaves, sand, etc so when the heat, snow, rain, wind can really have an effect on the art and it's here one day and gone the next. Beautiful sand pieces that melt away when the tide comes in. All paper pieces that get ignited at the end of the show. That's the beauty of art, and I'm proud to do what I love to do.
I do feel though that as a visual artist, it's important to connect with the viewers spiritually and mentally, even emotionally because I've had a lot of experience to help channel all those feelings out. I have yet to decide which route to take, but somehow if I'm clever enough will tie all 3 together. But that's the general overview. I'm one who works hard for everything I do, I spend the majority of my life debating and defending my creations. I don't sit at a computer, I don't sit in a cubicle, I don't run errands on behalf of someone above me. I make my own art, make my own fashions, make my own life. I still have a stuffed animal that sits in the corner of my bed. It was a baby shower gift to my mom that was passed down to me that has always been on my bed since I could remember. Summer's a little shady this year around, and not shady in a good way. Been working crazy hours, been brainstorming a lot and almost fell in love. Fell in love with an idea that could potentially turn into something else but I'm tired of those feelings. Actually, I'm quite bored of them. Men. No one seems to understand my aesthetic which means two things. One being that my work, photos, writings are just not for everybody or two, maybe I need a better way of expressing what I've been trying to say all along. As an artist dealing with creative mediums whether it be film, paint, or a series of welded scraps of metal I've always had a provocative theme dealing with sexuality, gender role, and pop culture straddling the fence with religion and who should or shouldn't be viewing my work. I have a texture thing with food. I don't like yogurt, mayo, sour cream, butter. My stepdad used to eat torn pieces of lettuce with smeared mayo as a snack. 
Disgusts me to this day. I watch way too many older films like Bringing up Baby, The Philadelphia Story, What's Up Doc? not because I was raised to watch those over regular t.v. but there's something about life and the lifestyles of people during that time that just doesn't seem to exist now. This entry is all over the place I know this. I wonder, who am I sometimes. I'll admit that the search for personal growth is still deep inside ready to burst out in flames. Full of inspirations, full of life and love and I know that it could still take some time. I walk around sometimes in the city feeling like I have a clear vision of what I do or who I am, but it's a lie. I don't know exactly, I just do the same repetitive routines. Wake up, go to work. Come home, masterbate. Sleep. Wake up, go to school. Go on a date. Come home, sleep. Never cook anymore. Cooking reminds me of my ex who LOVED to cook which is sacrificing my diet but I've learned to adapt to lots of pasta, sandwiches, and eating out. Eating greasy Chinese, pizza, etc. My mother would not be too pleased but I guess it's about time to start thinking of a healthier way of eating. Back to art though, I'm thinking about changing the way I express my art. Maybe art that isn't so much subjective with meaning, but art that has absolutely no meaning. Like sculptural pieces that can be made outside but made out of sticks, leaves, sand, etc so when the heat, snow, rain, wind can really have an effect on the art and it's here one day and gone the next. Beautiful sand pieces that melt away when the tide comes in. All paper pieces that get ignited at the end of the show. That's the beauty of art, and I'm proud to do what I love to do.
