I Miss Your Face Lauren!

Feelings & Emotions.

I'm overwhelmed with life right now. Work, work, sleep, work, work, 2 days off but I'm running around the city trying to find a second source of income, as well as sell most of my work because I need to pay the bills. Is this what living the BIG dream in New York is all about? Possibly, I'm only 23. I have been hanging out with a few people that are older, successful and seem to have my dream. I have to keep telling myself that in 10 years, I'll be in the same spot. For example:

1.) I'll be enjoying beer on a nice terrace in Hell's Kitchen.

2.) A nice HD television flat screen to watch all my shows including So You Think You Can Dance and Glee.

3.) Flipping through an iPad because when you're 30, that's what you need to do right?

4.) A long foyer with art work that includes my own, Banksy, and Andy Warhol.

5.) My own reality series. Okay, this one is a little exaggerated. LOL

But recently, I've just been so inspired by many people all over New York, and even Facebook has introduced me to different styles from France, Italy, Australia, and Canada. These boys with amazing fashions, style, vibes, exotic yet intriguing blogs that just make me feel overwhelmed with ideas, projects, and fashions that I want to end up making on my own. I'm just a sucker for evolution and I'm always trying to reinvent myself. ALWAYS.

So my friend Ryan and his girlfriend just found a place a block away from their old house, still very close to me so I'm very excited that we can continue our Sunday brunch/dinner/drinks/movie night.We've been doing it for a while now, and it's very nice to have this frequent "activity" that a bunch of us can participate together and just get away from life. Recently though, Erin another friend of ours has joined our group and she's our age too so she relates to many of the same things. Well, she works with Ryan and myself and waking up at 4am is no stranger to the three of us. Unfortunately she's leaving this August due to a full time career job as a preschool teacher. She's been waiting patiently for it, and she finally got one! Without even seeking it, they contacted her! Congratulations! Colleen, (Ryan's girlfriend is also a teacher) so it's cool to be a part of a young group of teachers, musicians, and artists. Probably how we all get along so well!

I've been thinking a lot about my dad as well and even though he was never a part of my life, I still think about him. Him and my mom divorced when I was very very young, and it wasn't until my mom's passing that I found out he passed away 5 years earlier. I managed to find a box in storage all the way in the Bronx, which mind you I thought was cancelled and thrown out because of so many past due payments they told me they were going to auction everything off and use the money to pay for the the room, loooong story etc. BUT I was able to pay them and they cut me a deal and turns out everything was still in the room untouched. Two years later. I know, blessing in disguise.

And with that being said, I wonder what really happened between my parents. The 90s were very bad to my family, but I still have been left in the dark with details about what happened. I just have this shoebox with photos like this:Made me cry a little because I miss him. I never knew him, but I always long for a father and mother to call up when I feel anxious or sad or nervous about life and the things that I go through on a daily basis. How to pay rent, a new potential boyfriend, Happy Mother's Day, Merry Christmas. I miss out, but it's okay. What I lack in family, I am rich with friends and they ARE my family. I'm very lucky that I've met some incredible people that care and love me and have my back. I've been holding on, and will KEEP holding on. Here's a couple other treasures I found in the box. :) Enjoy

I found this and I thought it was so cute because here my mom has no make up, it's blurry and chances are she took this herself right after I was born. Picture it, just home with your baby, a human being born into the world.

Slightly Fresh.

The cold bed.
The sound of the A.C. making the room cold.
My nipples harder than ever.
I want the feeling of another man's body on top of me.
Digging my hands and nails into his back.
Feeling the sweaty friction of stomach to stomach.
The heavy breathing, the sweat dripping from his forehead to my chest.
The biting, the sucking, the slapping.
I want the feeling of losing control when he grabs my wrists and puts them over my head.
I want him to grab them with one hand and use the other one to squeeze my inner thigh.
The sounds of panting, grunting.
The scent of freshly showered skin, turning to outdoorsy sweaty skin is what I'm craving most.
I'm frustrated because my urge is so overwhelming.
Grabbing his ass each time, clenching with each stroke.
The view from the top makes my nipples hard.
Watching him dip in, dip out.
Kissing each of the stars down my right side.
Slow, slow, slower each kiss and each pause makes my reflexes go out of control.
I'm ticklish, and with each kiss on the lips makes a little bit more come out.
The turning and moving of my balls get tighter and tighter, ready for the orgasm.
I want you to push real hard in the small of my back, one thumb on each back dimple.
Go slow, go fast.
UGH.
FUCK.

HOT

Starbucks101

It's Coming!

Favorite Shows Edition.

Sunburnt.

From My Wonderful Second Cousin.

"Been thinkin' about your mom a lot lately. When I think of her, I see her more or less like she is in this picture. She lived with us for a while when I was in second grade. I remember riding in her Thunderbird listening Heart on the 8 track. She would take us to the ice house to get Dr. Pepper and Baby Ruths. She taught me how to roller skate. You have her wonderful light in your eyes. Take care of yourself."

Summer Finally Starts for Me.

I am so glad that summer is finally here. A week ago today, was my last day at school and I'm so happy that my 15 week semester critique is over. I always knew that I was picking painting as my senior thesis, but that fucking sculpture class is killing me. I have one more semester of it AND printmaking. I can't stand either of those two classes, but this will be the last semester starting in September so I can do it. I have to, right? Here's a bit of what I did since January. This is what everything looked like as a whole, I find it pretty cohesive but I'm not a fan of the numbers painting. Mainly because there's a lot more that could've been done to make it more complete. I still can work on it but I had to submit my final piece so it had to be presentable. It just so happened that each of the paintings are in order (first, second, and third) but turns out that they looked pretty sweet in that layout. For the last 3 years, I've been using nothing but oil paints, but as of last year and this year to come, I'm choosing to use only acrylic because I want to know/experiment different techniques using different materials. You can do a lot with both but I'm enjoying using acrylic more so than oil. I can really get creative with oil and some of my best work are done in oil but I'm having my fun. So this painting was the first of my series that turned out to be a self-portrait, but on accident because the assignment was to take inspirations from outsider art/art from any other part of the world that wasn't the traditional mid-western way of painting. So naturally I chose African/Spanish art because I've always been a fan of Picasso and George Condo so their work was the foundation for my painting. I made this one a bit personal because I'm wearing a mask that's implying that I have different sides of me that are hidden by other emotions or what life has to offer. I tackle my foul mouth, my continuous drinking habits, sexuality, gender role and my issues dealing with OCD and personal anxieties. I've managed to make this look similar to this piece I did a fews back (when I was experimenting with a semi-abstraction/dada-esque way of painting) This is actually one of my favorite pieces of work that I'm very proud of because I push what I already did a few years ago, I just think it's better. Some said at school that I'm just in it for the shock factor but I don't think that's true. I don't have to try and any feedback is positive feedback. That's why I make art. Art is meant to be viewed and liked, and disliked. It's how the creative mind absorbs and extracts future inspirations for continuous art making. So these are my sculptures and my favorite ones that turned out are the bananas and the fingers in the fruits and nuts bags. I casted a real banana and my fingers and made a play off my job at starbucks and how sometimes there is mistreatment in the work place, like most jobs. The banana also ties into my second painting that I did which was dealing with pop culture. In this piece I'm referring to what I think is popular now and how everyone is skyping and video chatting and it's a more advanced version of phone sex. So I used Lichtenstein as my main inspiration for this piece and made is very "comic book" as if it were ripped from the back of a dirty gay magazine that you find on 19th and 8th. I already mentioned that I used Lichtenstein as my source for this painting, but I also used Lady GaGa and Wynter Gordon as musical inspirations for this piece using their songs "Telephone" and "Dirty Talk". This is another favorite piece piece of mine because I did something that I've never done before; I added a sound piece. Now this is just a rough edit of the final project because the real one turned out to be 6 minutes long but I play it on low volume and have it attached to a 13' cord with headphones allowing the viewer to experience New York's confessions by tying them together to my confessions and question their own inner secret when it comes to sex.
This one got really good reviews so I'm happy with the turnout. This one I spent the longest amount of time doing so it should look good right?? So my last piece was numbers and letters and I titled this piece "Stop Counting" because like I mentioned in my first painting, I was trying to let people know that I have a thing for counting. Whether it's how many steps it takes to get from my house to the train, or how many times something is repeated, like grey sweaters or black framed glasses, I tend to count. Count anything and everything, some minor and some major. But I think this one is my least favorite because I could've pushed it a bit more. So all in all I had a really great semester and I can't believe that I have only one more year left, and I know I know everyone keeps asking me, "Oh what are you planning on doing once you've graduated?" and that's a good question, I'm still thinking about it, but trust me it's on my mind.

Instead I'm just tying to move into my new apartment, catch up on my much needed social life and enjoy the beautiful summer weather that New York is finally giving us. It's about fucking time.