F.Y.I.

there's something you should know about me. well there are many things but that might take all night. so i will try my best to explain in full detail the most important ones. so i will start from the beginning...

my mother married a brazilian man named oscar chavez.
they divorced before i was even born, he got caught with a fake green card and got sent back to south america.
grew up in southern california until i was about 11...when my mother passed away.
age 11-16 were the toughest years in my life.
i was ridiculed, made fun of, beat up, and yeah.....it was hell.
it wasn't until then that i realized i need to change who i am to fit in. i craved what everyone else seemed to have during those years in my life.
i learned to be someone i'm not. things weren't going good as far as my social life and the home wasn't any better.
lived with a man that said he would love me...raise me as a son. teach me to grow as a man.
instead..verbally and physically abused me.
people asked and now i'm tired of repeating this story over and over and over again.
then i started looking at myself and realizing that i am who i am.
why waste all those years being someone i'm not?
moved to texas in 2003 to live with my uncle who turned out to hate me because of my "spanish speaking background". saying it was my mother's fault that she married outside of the "white race".
moved out. lived with a friend who cared for me as much as i cared for him. we were like brothers. but time goes on and i have to move on.
now..having my own place that i can call my own is quite scary. the thought of me being on my own is quite a challenge.
of course i've been doing it since the age of 16 but now i have no one to go to when i have a question. there's no "person" in the room next to mine.
it's time for me to grow up and realize that i have to take responsibility.

now it wasn't until tonight actually that a friend of mine opened up my eyes and told me the exact words that i needed to hear. so i just wanted to thank you for doing so. you have only been nothing but a dear friend to me and honest. we both believe honesty is the number thing in a friendship and he basically told me straight up. i needed to hear it to. i have been dealing with many stuggles in the last year. who i am as a i person and what kind of person i show when others look at me...

so there you go..my life summed up in a few paragraphs for you to read and realize that i too have mistakes, flaws, and turn offs like everyone else. but i'm putting my foot in the door and making a bold statement to myself that i will be a different person from this point on. now i'm sure you probably don't care, but i just had to get this off my mind because i really just wanted the people i care about the most to read this.