Distraction.

I should be working on my 2D "Inspiration" piece, but I find that I'm getting distracted from my wheat thins and newly leaked "Blackout" songs from Miss Spears.

OMG, where did the time go? It seems like just the other day I was writing in this thing talking about how anxious and nervous I was about starting school...well here I am, midterms already. There's something about this time of year that always excites me, especially the fact that it's starting to get cold and that it's Thanksgiving season. My birthday falls on the exact day this year and to be honest, I'm so excited. My life is already changing but something about the big Two-One is driving me crazy. I get goosebumps everytime. I want to plan big.

So I guess I should talk a little bit about school huh. It's amazing and everything I thought it would be. I've made so many friends and I honestly love that feeling of walking down the halls and people waving and saying "hi matt" as I pass by. It's a good feeling. I love that all the guys who work in the cafeteria know my "usual meal" and start making it, followed by the guy who swipes my card who teaches me a little spanish everyday so I can be a "well-rounded bilingual student". All my professors are incredible..I have a cluster review on the 25th of this month and I'm nervous. I'm already displaying my best pieces to all my professors and peers and everyone gets to see my progress of my work thus far. I think that I've done well and successfully started to improve my skill and already I'm seeing that something is exceeding. I'm always assigned extra work to do and always asked to extend beyond what the rest of the class has to do..ending up with my work pinned on the wall for the others to see. I'm not sure how I feel about that though..I like the attention but at the same time, I have this fear of what people really feel aboout me. I get hot and sweaty and feel like my voice cracks and dips with my nerves. Speaking of which, we have public critiques daily so it helps me to forget about the nerves and just deal with it - BUT I still hate it.

Things are going okay for David and me. I mean things are so different, but our lifestyles have changed and I guess it's for the best. We still see each other once, maybe twice if we're lucky a week and do things scandalous i.e. fuck in his salon after closing hours and being naughty..lol I never ever felt like fucking like this before. I don't know if the lack of sex that we had for a while, but within 3 days, we have fucked harder and better than we ever had. It was as hot as that one time we got all dressed up for something but ended up fucking in the kitchen which ended up in the over-sized chair and ended on the bathroom floor. It was a crazy experience. I loved every minute of it. I miss him though. It's strange to me to not be in the same room as him, or even the same apartment and I always wonder if he feels the same way. He's going through so much right now with school and work that he even mentioned to me that I'm at the bottom of his priority list. He says he still loves me, but it hurts to know that deep down, he could move on without me. Nevertheless, we still hang out when both of us have the time and still have dinner and still laugh and hug and kiss and all that stuff I value in my relationship with him. I just love him so much, and I'm so proud of him, I just don't think I tell/show him enough. That needs to be a continued "new year's resolution" or something. I need to train my brain to think differently and really evaluate us. I love him a lot. I do.

Ugh, I need to shower.
I need to shave and I need to get some sleep. I have class at 9:00a. I had a doppio on ice though and I'm so WIDE AWAKE...thanks...mmmm wheat thins..

x