Feelings & Emotions.

I'm overwhelmed with life right now. Work, work, sleep, work, work, 2 days off but I'm running around the city trying to find a second source of income, as well as sell most of my work because I need to pay the bills. Is this what living the BIG dream in New York is all about? Possibly, I'm only 23. I have been hanging out with a few people that are older, successful and seem to have my dream. I have to keep telling myself that in 10 years, I'll be in the same spot. For example:

1.) I'll be enjoying beer on a nice terrace in Hell's Kitchen.

2.) A nice HD television flat screen to watch all my shows including So You Think You Can Dance and Glee.

3.) Flipping through an iPad because when you're 30, that's what you need to do right?

4.) A long foyer with art work that includes my own, Banksy, and Andy Warhol.

5.) My own reality series. Okay, this one is a little exaggerated. LOL

But recently, I've just been so inspired by many people all over New York, and even Facebook has introduced me to different styles from France, Italy, Australia, and Canada. These boys with amazing fashions, style, vibes, exotic yet intriguing blogs that just make me feel overwhelmed with ideas, projects, and fashions that I want to end up making on my own. I'm just a sucker for evolution and I'm always trying to reinvent myself. ALWAYS.

So my friend Ryan and his girlfriend just found a place a block away from their old house, still very close to me so I'm very excited that we can continue our Sunday brunch/dinner/drinks/movie night.We've been doing it for a while now, and it's very nice to have this frequent "activity" that a bunch of us can participate together and just get away from life. Recently though, Erin another friend of ours has joined our group and she's our age too so she relates to many of the same things. Well, she works with Ryan and myself and waking up at 4am is no stranger to the three of us. Unfortunately she's leaving this August due to a full time career job as a preschool teacher. She's been waiting patiently for it, and she finally got one! Without even seeking it, they contacted her! Congratulations! Colleen, (Ryan's girlfriend is also a teacher) so it's cool to be a part of a young group of teachers, musicians, and artists. Probably how we all get along so well!

I've been thinking a lot about my dad as well and even though he was never a part of my life, I still think about him. Him and my mom divorced when I was very very young, and it wasn't until my mom's passing that I found out he passed away 5 years earlier. I managed to find a box in storage all the way in the Bronx, which mind you I thought was cancelled and thrown out because of so many past due payments they told me they were going to auction everything off and use the money to pay for the the room, loooong story etc. BUT I was able to pay them and they cut me a deal and turns out everything was still in the room untouched. Two years later. I know, blessing in disguise.

And with that being said, I wonder what really happened between my parents. The 90s were very bad to my family, but I still have been left in the dark with details about what happened. I just have this shoebox with photos like this:Made me cry a little because I miss him. I never knew him, but I always long for a father and mother to call up when I feel anxious or sad or nervous about life and the things that I go through on a daily basis. How to pay rent, a new potential boyfriend, Happy Mother's Day, Merry Christmas. I miss out, but it's okay. What I lack in family, I am rich with friends and they ARE my family. I'm very lucky that I've met some incredible people that care and love me and have my back. I've been holding on, and will KEEP holding on. Here's a couple other treasures I found in the box. :) Enjoy

I found this and I thought it was so cute because here my mom has no make up, it's blurry and chances are she took this herself right after I was born. Picture it, just home with your baby, a human being born into the world.