Why I love Nina Azzarello.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Don't Procrastinate

If I could offer you once piece of advice, it would be this: Don’t procrastinate.

Stop staying up until some unreasonable hour, say 3:00 in the morning, writing a paper due the following day. Tell yourself you’ll never be so foolish again. Even though next Sunday night, you can bet that you’ll procrastinate ‘till 4.

Party on weeknights. Hey, you only live once. Convince your friends they’ll wake up fine for their 8:00 in the morning classes.

Resist the urge to take a nap in your 8:00 in the morning classes. If you do, you’ll want to position your head directly behind the persons in front of you. Nestle your forehead in the palm of your hand. Pretend like your simply trying to scratch that uncontrollable itch on the top of your head. If you manage to wake up without a stiff neck, tell me how.

Pay attention in Art History. Actually, never mind. Don’t.

Try not to get distracted in your computer class. It’s an incredible feat if you manage to get through it without logging into your facebook at least 4 times.

Get a facebook to make college friends. Delete your myspace if you want to get rid of your high school ones. Understand that picture comments are not as important as you think. Don’t get too excited when a 22-year-old male model from the south of France requests you to be his friend. Learn, through experience, that his name is actually Harold; he’s 57, feeds of raspberry glazed Krispy Kreemes and walks in the nude at least 6 hours out of the day.

Eat Krispy Kreeme doughnuts. They’re orgasmic. If you find any other food nearly as heavenly, buy me some.

Don’t think about heaven or hell too much. Heaven knows, there’s no way in hell we’ll ever really know what’s out there.

Think about alien life. Tell people you’ve seen a UFO. It makes for an interesting story.

Be a storyteller. Write about the time your haircutters eyebrows were burned off in some freak Ramen noodle microwave accident.

Don’t be afraid to cut your hair. Don’t cry when you decide to cut it. Sure, the hair flip is quite possibly the woman’s most powerful tool. But never underestimate the power of the Victoria Beckham bob.

Hate Victoria Beckham for getting to David before you did. Understand that David Beckham is an egotistical jerk.

Sing to the Spice Girls like its 1999.

Spice up your life by eating chips and salsa. Put on a sombrero while doing so. You’ll feel exotic.

Learn to speak Spanish. It’s useful. Eat Spanish food. It’s tasty. Date Spanish men. They’re tasty too.

The Spanish word for boy is “esse.” Use it all the time, in every context, in every sentence just because it sounds kinda funny.

Write an entire essay about nothing particularly important with topics ranging from alien life to David Beckham. Realize that this essay might just be the most productive, outstanding results your procrastinating.

-Nina Azzarello