Trying To Distract Myself From The Man.

Trying to distract myself from the man who is probably the reincarnation of the devil himself.

Thanks to him, my mother's items are going to be auctioned off in the matter of days - unless I come up with $170. Now you can call that stress. No more trying to study the day of, no more running for the train that specifically comes at 4:44am and it's now 4:50a. This is stress. We all know that I'm not anywhere near NY and that I can't just negotiate with the man I used to love - He really screwed me over. People wonder why I "tense my eyebrows" and that's probably why I'll always have those 3 creases on my forehead. My stress level is out the roof. The only thing keeping me from going insane is the fact that I write. I'm open about most things which is now that I realize, a wonderful trait to carry. I'm not afraid to hold back how I really feel or embrace the feelings or thoughts that come to my mind. But really, I've learned my lesson with fighting with words. It always comes back 10x worse, and hits me harder because he's an excellent writer. I could write a pamphlet and he'll send a novel.

I'm sorry. This is my mother's stuff. How are are you going to NOW tell me that you've been 2 months behind on storage "rent". How are you going to tell me that NOW knowing that I won't return to the city 'til the 25th. That it's my problem now how to figure out how to salvage the last of my stuff from Dallas, the last of my mom's stuff, the last of ME in the matter of days. And for you to be sitting in your new apartment with all MY furnishings knowing that what you did...you know I can't take back any of that furniture, you thought I'd have a better life in the dorms. And refusing to pay me for anything you took...sure why not throw in paying the storage. Fuck the ex-boyfriend. Fuck his deceased mom's things that are on the other side of the island. Fuck Matt.

I just want to know, am I that kind of person that deserves this kind of behavior. Is this God's or someone in the stars' revenge for all the things I've done? Is it that easy to be cruel. Either that, or it just comes natural. I'm not sure.

Just know that the mother you refuse to call back or show affection to, I'm the one sitting with her over coffee and lunch - talking, laughing and hoping (praying) that maybe someday. She's like the mom I never had. Well at least she still loves you.

Never again.

I will say that even though I have every right to be upset and outraged, I'm not going to be. I remember saying around this time last year, that it's all about 2007. It's going to be an amazing year and even though it turned out to be worst year of my life, I'm not going to let this guy ruin 2008 for me. This is not foreshadowing my year, nor will I let it. If he wants my furniture and dishes and pots/pans and bed and anything that is mine...let him keep it. It will be a forever reminder of who he was with and who loved him with every bone in his body. Let him feel surrounded by things of someone he will never see again. And that my friends, is what 2008 is alllll about. It's all about growing up, moving on and finding out who YOU are. So all I can say is you screwwwwed me Will Truman!! lol

:P

...make it funny