The Day Before.

Crazy.

I don't even know where to begin. Has it really been another year? I could've sworn I was sitting in Apt #835 looking out the window from the window in my living room imagining what life would be like a year from then. I applied for Fine Arts too early, so I wasn't looking forward to doing nothing for a year in New York City. I was job searching I know that much, and my New Year's Resolution was to A.) Lose weight and B.) Get a job. I succeeded with both. Weighing at 146.5, you could tell in my face that I was over-weight and being jobless with nothing but a dog and boyfriend to tend to, could drive any man crazy. Now, being Christmas Eve, I look back at the "Fat-Shots" I have and proud to say that I weigh 127.5(ish) close to 128 lbs. I look and feel great, and I have some serious toning to do, but at least the pounds are gone. Now as for my job, I ended getting my job at starbucks (as you all know by now because you party animals frequently see me leave the dorms at 4:30AM when you guys are just getting home from your fun) January 25, 2006 so I also achieved the "job-hunt" by getting a job before the end of January. So now I have held that job for almost a year and that too, feels great. A little stressful at times, because I'm in the process of becoming a shift (which doesn't mean more authority, but more responsibility) and let me just tell you, even though it's just starbucks, we get some crazy-ass people - especially in New York.

So another year, another Christmas. I remember last year, it was a wild time in my life. I might have been the cause of a ruined Christmas and an awkward New Year's. I don't want to say I was immature - maybe I was and didn't know it. I tried to fix things that I wasn't sure could be fixed to begin with. In my head, it was all about making sure the apartment had the lingering scent of pumpkin spice, Christmas music was playing in the background, and that each present I purchased was wrapped and placed perfectly under the tree as if Martha Stewart placed it there herself. Wow. I don't know what I was thinking then. Life was a bubble, or maybe I masked my life so intensely that I wasn't noticing how I was living my life. Sure, reading this you're probably thinking, "what sounds so bad about that?" but there's so many gaps I'm leaving out because it hurts to write about the details. I just know that this time last year, was not a good time for me. Or him. I feel constant guilt, maybe because I knew I was part guilty of things I said and things I did. Maybe because it's Christmas and it's my first Christmas alone. Not sure. I'm not going to bash anyone, or throw a pity party for myself because I'm alone for Christmas this year, instead I'm honoring the good memories, the good feelings and the fact that I've been given a handful of friends to start my new life with. That's what Christmas is all about. I'm sorry for anything I did but at the same time, I'm thankful that it all happened for I am who I am today because of it. Through the tears and laughter and everything in between, I can finally sit back and just center myself and you want to know a secret? I am enjoying this alone time. No worries, no stress, no drama...no nothing. :)

I'm starting to become humble with my life, and what's been thrown at me. I've even had my share of fun, because when life throws lemons at you, you know I grabbed some silver patron and partied it up the only way I know how. I'm young, I'm alive and I have some really exciting paths coming my way at FIT. With the semester coming up at the end of January, I'm going to have a jam-packed schedule, on top of my work schedule, which means that I will have zero social life. I'll find a way. I always do.

Being so far from home has made me evolve into someone I never thought I could become. I've experienced things that I was totally against in the past, and I've definitely had this attitude now where life is too short to think about the future and worry about the "what-ifs". I know that I'm my own mentor, my own friend and at times, my own lover lol. I'm the only one who knows everything that sets me off, turns me on and gets things done. I AM ME has been playing on my iPod for the past couple weeks. Mainly because, well let's face it, Ashlee Simpson's second cd was good. That's some good shit. lol ::shakes head:: Wow I'm weird.

Mmm..cinnamon-raison bagels are calling my name and then a little nap would be great. Lord knows I'm about 3 days behind on my sleeping schedule so for Christmas, I would like to get caught up. That and Prada slip-ons would be nice. Where is my sugar-daddy when I need him??

Merry Christmas everyone and please have a wonderful Christmas and a killer New Year's and I look forward to seeing you all next semester. Let's do lunch or coffee when I get back and catch up?! Deal?

Ciao!