"Beautiful Boy"

Is the current book that I'm reading, and I know I know it's so typical because it's the new 'top-seller' at Starbucks but my boss let me take a copy so I can refer it to customers who seem interested in it. I do have to say that it's quite addicting. No pun intended. :) So my weekend started a little earlier than I wished. Opening sucks major because a.) I have to go to bed way early to get a decent amount of sleep and b.) I'm screwed if I miss the 4:40am train. But nevertheless, I enjoy it because I get to see all my regulars and people who I really enjoy seeing on a regular basis.

So I'm at the end of the platform (last car because it drops me off at the perfect exit on 96th St) and there is this man snoring so loud on the opposite platform, it actually distracts me from reading. All these ghetto black girls start throwing gum or trash or something at him yelling at him to wake up because he's annoying everyone underground at 28th St. I kinda felt sorry for him, because the harrassment was kinda intense. Either way, I was happy each time the express train came through because for that brief 30 seconds or so, you couldn't hear his snoring.

The train ride wasn't any better. Why is it that everytime I get on the train at 5:00 in the morning, there is nothing but homeless men curled up, sprawled out, stretched out on the subway seats. The car is filled with this lingering scent of B.O. and smelly feet. It was so brutal but I didn't want to move because I was too lazy. I decided to just bury my face in my scarf and continue to read. Remember, the book is already interesting and I'm still in the introduction. I did notice something though. About a month ago, when I had to trek uptown to get my tips from work, I had my painting of Ike that left yellow oil paint in this awkward pattern on the floor by the 2 center poles. Sure enough, it was the same train, same car because I remembered the paint marks. Crazy.

So I'm happy that I get to see my mother's face everyday now. Painting these 9 heads for my painting class is turning out better than I imagined it would be. People are noticing the faces without asking, "who is that supposed to be??" which is flawless because that means I'm doing a good job. But anyway, on that note, I'm doing a portrait of my mother, so I have this photo copied image of her that I'm using as a reference, but as my bookmark for "Beautiful Boy". I can't believe that her birthday is this month. She would have been turning 50 this year. 50. I don't know about you, but I can't believe that time has flown by this fast. I mean we're already at spring break, half way done with 2nd semester and then it will be summer. Summer always flies by so fast and then 2nd year will start. I can't even believe that I'll be a sophomore in college. (For those who know, you know that college in NY is such a big deal for me lol) I'm just excited because I can feel the urge to learn and the talent is strengthening. I'm just anxious to be in 3rd year or something. I'm just impatient.

::deep sigh::

So I'm once again beating away boys with sticks and winding up feeling lonely. It's only been 6 months since "he who should not be mentioned broke up and to be honest, it feels like it's been a year. I'm over him and I'm sure he's over me but I still feel like I'm not ready to jump back in a relationship. 3 years was a long time and I can't just date anybody. Everyone already assumes that I'm dating him and that you're my boyfriend, but I'm just ready to be in any position of titles and restrictions and anything that may come with the whole package. I think I'm enjoying my single life. I love being so productive that I have no time to do anything. It means that I'm doing what I love. I'm in school monday through friday, I'm pulling in 20 hours a week and I'm still managing to do volunteer work for work and school all while planning rehearsals for Miss FIT. I have an intense schedule and let's be real, do I have the time to play boyfriend? Meh, one could disagree. I do have to admit that I hate playing the heartbreaker. I don't like seeing that look in your face, his face or even my own face. I think it's all just bad timing. I don't even have time to get emotional about it. I wasted 3 months crying every night asking myself what I did wrong, when in fact it's not anyone's fault. It's just timing. Trying to force a square to fit perfectly inside a circle. I'm no magician, so I don't want to keep spinning around trying to find a solution. Fuck that. ;)

After working a long day at work, it felt nice to just sip on some coffee and sketch a little in the cafe section at work. The weather is gorgeous and I really should take advantage of it. Maybe a picnic with mini wine boxes or a photoshoot in central park...I don't know. Maybe just go walking in spring clothes. Either way, I'm just in a good mood.

Who's with me?