Have You Ever Thought?

This is so crazy.

So today, I was working a 8:15a - 12:15p shift doing what I normally do; working hard, not really just having fun doing it. Feeling very confident in what I do, and feeling good that a lot of the regulars actually know my name and can hold a conversation with me. It feels nice. Which brings me to this: My boss came up to me as I was filling up the RDE case and she asked me, "Have you ever thought about becoming a shift?" HOLD UP? I've been there for 6 months and they're already asking me to promote to shift? By all means, that's fantastic but I feel like, am I ready for this? FUCK YEAH! I feel like I'm in a certain part in my life where I'm ready to be "upgradeddd". It surprises me that they asked me because that means they're watching my performance. I'm doing someting right, but it also freaks me out a bit because that means I have to step up my game. Wow that's crazy. I'm so thankful.

Anyways. We're back to having wonderful sex. Only this time, it's me doing the fucking. It's amazing I'm not gonna lie. Who knew that just because I'm the smaller one, doens't mean that I have to take it up the ass all the time. It's so hot to see David, who's primarily a top being the one who rides and bends over and all that. It's hot not even gonna lie. Like he said, maybe it's just a "top phase" .. call what you want, I just feel this urge to fuck and I feel so masculine doing it. I love it. More please?!

Mmm. It's almost 11:00p and I forget how much I enjoy David's presence. We're lying in bed watching a movie, orderd in and just relaxing...but like I said, I forget how much I actually just love being aroud him. I know it's a given and sometimes very obvious, but still. I guess I take our time together for granted at times. Meh. He's so cute.

GRR.
I feel fat know from the pizza.
And my hair is starting to curl....OH HELL NO.
Relaxer pleaseeeee?

Would You Be Mad.

You be mad if I read about Michael and Sam and Daniel <3 Gomez?
I don't know how it started..by accident really.
I clicked your comment, then next thing I know, It's 2004-2007.

I randomly clicked.
I randomly read.

One thing I noticed.
I wasn't the first man to "break your heart" like you claimed.

I'm not holding it against you.
I'm avoiding confrontation.

I'm in love with you.
I want to take it to the next level.
No grudges.

Don't be mad mad.

Mc.

Something I Noticed.

005: my freedom being compromised in any way. kisses from M.C.

Something I'd Like To Remember.

I get hot.
I get red in the face. Have you ever had that feeling?
When you get so anxious, so overcome with anxiety, anger, jealousy or even joy where you feel your blood pressure literally rising. You feel your cheeks tingle with heat and your ears start to ring. Your heart seems to pump so loudly and with such force that with every beat your body trembles.

I get this feeling a lot.
It can happen when I think Matt and our relationship, it can happen when I'm reading a really good book, it can happen when I'm really embarassed or when I'm reprimanded unfairly. It happens whenever I fly and the plane takes off, or during turbulence. It happens whenever I feel someone staring at me or I think someone is looking at me and thinking, "What a loser." It happens when I speak up and refuse to back down.
It can even happen to me when I'm simply sitting in quiet.

I know. Why do you care what anyone thinks?
Let's just be honest. We all care what everyone thinks of us, no matter how much it pains us to admit it.
It's almost tortorous to for me to admit.
I lie.
It is torture. Mostly because I pride myself on being, or pretending to be, tough...flighty...as if nothing you, or you, or you could ever hurt me. and if it does you would never know it.
Let's just come clean here and say that I care a little too much what some people think of me.

People who crave attention don't always get it. People who crave it and nurture that craving?
They get it.

I don't have the energy to nurture that craving, and is that why I am where I am?
Am I simply in a desperate quest for unfaltering and almost idolistic attention?

Yea.
We're all there.

Maybe this is why I never faired well in relationships and to be honest some friendships. I always tell myself, "I have such an eclectic group of friends. How awesome."
But the truth is I am friends with amazing people that are like me in a lot of ways but more importantly NOTHING like me.
I am comforted by being an outsider.
I am comforted by being different.
and if I am just "some guy", or "normal" to you... well let's just say it isn't pretty.

I share a birthday with James Dean. A friend of mine once read me a quote a friend had said about him that rang so true in my ear.. and while I can't remember the quote verbatim it was something to effect of him saying James was the kind of person who wanted to be known by everyone. He wanted to be famous, yet he wanted to be invisible.

...hm.

Thanks friend.

I'm floating around right now. Waiting, and looking for that something that will make me feel what I'm needing to feel. and when I find it, everyone will know it.
I'll make sure of it.

So what are your vices?
Think about it.
What are you not ready to admit about yourself?

go ahead, you'll probably like yourself a lot more. and I'll probably like you a little more too.

...
KIDDING.
geez.

: ]

"If you think you love isn't found on the radio"

It's day two that David is gone. :(
I finally cleaned the apartment. David had to leave for Nashville in a rush, so it was kinda messy. Not now. It looks mighty good. Smells good too. lol

So.
Since David dyed my hair old man grey/silver, I've had so many people (regulars and new comers) compliment it! It makes me smile because I kid you not, all the people who said they liked it, is older than 35. It's amazing. Even all my co-workers love it. They said it looks natural and fits me well. Thank you Davie!!

I've been working a lot recently so it's good to have tomorrow off. I get to sleep in and watch my shows at night and then I can say, "yay! baby's coming home tomorrow!" lol UGH I just miss him so much. I'm sleeping on his side because I feel his energy still there and I have my laptop open with iPhoto with this photo of him so I have this "illusion" of him lying in bed with me. I know it's cheesy, but it works. It's good medicine.

Then in just under 2 weeks, both of us are going back home to Dallas for my braces appointment to catch up with old friends. That should be fun. I can't wait.

Well Baby, it's almost June 5th.
You know what that is.

Buying A Nectarine.

May 16, 2007
10:56a

It’s been a while. And once again, our Internet is down so I figured it’s a good enough excuse to write. I’ve been procrastinating to write my thoughts down and I have the day off so why not right?

I can’t believe it’s already May. It seems like the other day it was March or something. Still working at starbucks (going on 5 months!), making more and more new friends, and planning my two-year with David!

11:47p

So here I am, sitting here watching Will & Grace waiting for David to come home from work, (he did Kasey’s hair for money) so he had to stay late. I was really looking forward to us having dinner. We only have one more night together until he goes to Nashville. He leaves Friday morning and doesn’t come home until Monday night. ☹ Soo I had dinner all planned out: breaded chicken, rice and bread. He said his original plans were to say “no” and to come home and eat with me. Well, I have to open tomorrow so I have to wake up at 3:45a to catch the 4:44a train. So I ordered Chinese, watched ANTM and LOST and now here I am, lying in bed waiting for him.

Good news though. After a series of dying, and re-dying, my hair is silver. It’s actually pretty amazing. I wanted something different and fun for summer this year. So I’m like this metallic silver. It’s awesome. I have a few scars and blisters on the side of my head, but it’s all good. Pain is beauty…or is it beauty is pain?? Who knows. Check it out regardless.



So David just got home and I’m ready to drink my mystic water and crash.

I’m so dead.

Here’s to me.