Right now.
Random doodles in my book.
Framing new photos.
Finding a size (xs) at the bottom of the pile.
My view.
Laughing.
Coffee.
Amazing music with sick beats.
Summer days during fall.
Strolls around the block followed by late night runs.
The fresh, crisp scent that winter is approaching.
Tortilla chips dipped in chocolate ice cream.
Old school Nintendo.
Patent Leather Lace Ups.
.002 ballpoint pens.
More coffee.
Cold bedrooms. Cold bed sheets.
Apple pie for breakfast.
Oh, and going from London to Paris.
<3
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Sneak Peek.
Project Milo.
Wood. Wire. Acrylic Medium. Newspapers. Old Clothes.
Hair Extensions. Jersey. Feathers. Sequins. Leather.
This is just his neck - it's 7ft.
Enjoy.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Bonding Moment.
So I've had this itch to write, but quite frankly I don't even know where to begin. There has been so much going on that I have to actually sit down and organize my thoughts.
We all know that last week was Gay Pride and that I'm still recovering but let me tell you - I had so much fun. Who doesn't want to be trashed by noon, followed by hot men and dance around to amazing music? I mean hello!?! I've networked and made so many new friends..started a new job (kinda on the DL) and even met a few famous people. About a week ago, Laura Linney and Eric McCorrmick both came into my store a day apart from each other, but Laura came in three times that week...to the point that she and I talked about weather, dogs and being busy. She now knows me by a first name basis and I now know her drink - Grande Chi Latte. (Eric's was a double tall skim extra foam latte in case you were interested ;) ) I've found a few cute bars down in the village that are my latest hot spots to 'wine & dine' and dance like a complete fool and to be honest, I love it. I was so excited too, when my BEST friend Lauren came into town for a Bachellorette Party. She spent the first day and 1/2 with me and came to party with me and my boys and let me just tell you..I think we have to have a pt. 2. I celebrated most of my pride week drunk, hanging out with all the boys and watching them kick out the creepy old men from bars who seem to think it's okay to touch themselves in public to the point of erection and think nothing of it. What was his excuse after Edward told him off, "Fuck you mannnn" and he peaced out. And fast. Day after day, I was bar hopping and anticipating the parade and let me tell you...I opened from 5-9am then went to brunch from 10:30-1:30 and then another party from then to 6:00 and then hit the sack. I was soo tired that I think I slept in til 3pm the next day. I've never had so much fun, which is why this weekend I'm taking it a notch down. It's too crazy and it's all rainy and shit and I much rather curl up to a good movie with beer and chips and salsa.
Mr. Black is always amazing. Getting dolled up and wearing wrestling slinglets carrying tray after tray of free shots and drink orders..always fun. The men, the women, the house music. The staff already has a nickname picked out for me...wrestle boy jr. I think it's pretty much fantastic. Considering that I get to be me..half-naked, dancing and drinking booze. I've turned into what my man Jeff calls a "nightlife monkey". Sure enough that's what I am. I work mid-day, and serve the drinks at night. I was serious when I was telling all of you that I wanted to give gogoing/bartending a shot. I'm just lucky that I found all the right connections. Last night, I helped a friend from Barracuda film a music video for his latest single and it was getting glammed up (body glitter, tons of eyeliner, and again the wrestling slinglet) and dance in his video. I can't wait for the Ari Gold video shoot coming up. Speaking of dancing, I was excited to see Nima and Dustin in the lastest issue of HX because I'm also in there from the night I was gogoing at Mr. Black. I look horrible, but it's fun to see familiar faces magazines.
I'm a little burned out, but mehhh that's what summer is all about. ;)
...more later
We all know that last week was Gay Pride and that I'm still recovering but let me tell you - I had so much fun. Who doesn't want to be trashed by noon, followed by hot men and dance around to amazing music? I mean hello!?! I've networked and made so many new friends..started a new job (kinda on the DL) and even met a few famous people. About a week ago, Laura Linney and Eric McCorrmick both came into my store a day apart from each other, but Laura came in three times that week...to the point that she and I talked about weather, dogs and being busy. She now knows me by a first name basis and I now know her drink - Grande Chi Latte. (Eric's was a double tall skim extra foam latte in case you were interested ;) ) I've found a few cute bars down in the village that are my latest hot spots to 'wine & dine' and dance like a complete fool and to be honest, I love it. I was so excited too, when my BEST friend Lauren came into town for a Bachellorette Party. She spent the first day and 1/2 with me and came to party with me and my boys and let me just tell you..I think we have to have a pt. 2. I celebrated most of my pride week drunk, hanging out with all the boys and watching them kick out the creepy old men from bars who seem to think it's okay to touch themselves in public to the point of erection and think nothing of it. What was his excuse after Edward told him off, "Fuck you mannnn" and he peaced out. And fast. Day after day, I was bar hopping and anticipating the parade and let me tell you...I opened from 5-9am then went to brunch from 10:30-1:30 and then another party from then to 6:00 and then hit the sack. I was soo tired that I think I slept in til 3pm the next day. I've never had so much fun, which is why this weekend I'm taking it a notch down. It's too crazy and it's all rainy and shit and I much rather curl up to a good movie with beer and chips and salsa.
Mr. Black is always amazing. Getting dolled up and wearing wrestling slinglets carrying tray after tray of free shots and drink orders..always fun. The men, the women, the house music. The staff already has a nickname picked out for me...wrestle boy jr. I think it's pretty much fantastic. Considering that I get to be me..half-naked, dancing and drinking booze. I've turned into what my man Jeff calls a "nightlife monkey". Sure enough that's what I am. I work mid-day, and serve the drinks at night. I was serious when I was telling all of you that I wanted to give gogoing/bartending a shot. I'm just lucky that I found all the right connections. Last night, I helped a friend from Barracuda film a music video for his latest single and it was getting glammed up (body glitter, tons of eyeliner, and again the wrestling slinglet) and dance in his video. I can't wait for the Ari Gold video shoot coming up. Speaking of dancing, I was excited to see Nima and Dustin in the lastest issue of HX because I'm also in there from the night I was gogoing at Mr. Black. I look horrible, but it's fun to see familiar faces magazines.
I'm a little burned out, but mehhh that's what summer is all about. ;)
...more later
Friday, July 4, 2008
The Name's Wrestle Boy Jr.
So I've had this itch to write, but quite frankly I don't even know where to begin. There has been so much going on that I have to actually sit down and organize my thoughts.
We all know that last week was Gay Pride and that I'm still recovering but let me tell you - I had so much fun. Who doesn't want to be trashed by noon, followed by hot men and dance around to amazing music? I mean hello!?! I've networked and made so many new friends..started a new job (kinda on the DL) and even met a few famous people. About a week ago, Laura Linney and Eric McCorrmick both came into my store a day apart from each other, but Laura came in three times that week...to the point that she and I talked about weather, dogs and being busy. She now knows me by a first name basis and I now know her drink - Grande Chi Latte. (Eric's was a double tall skim extra foam latte in case you were interested ;) ) I've found a few cute bars down in the village that are my latest hot spots to 'wine & dine' and dance like a complete fool and to be honest, I love it. I was so excited too, when my BEST friend Lauren came into town for a Bachellorette Party. She spent the first day and 1/2 with me and came to party with me and my boys and let me just tell you..I think we have to have a pt. 2. I celebrated most of my pride week drunk, hanging out with all the boys and watching them kick out the creepy old men from bars who seem to think it's okay to touch themselves in public to the point of erection and think nothing of it. What was his excuse after Edward told him off, "Fuck you mannnn" and he peaced out. And fast. Day after day, I was bar hopping and anticipating the parade and let me tell you...I opened from 5-9am then went to brunch from 10:30-1:30 and then another party from then to 6:00 and then hit the sack. I was soo tired that I think I slept in til 3pm the next day. I've never had so much fun, which is why this weekend I'm taking it a notch down. It's too crazy and it's all rainy and shit and I much rather curl up to a good movie with beer and chips and salsa.
Mr. Black is always amazing. Getting dolled up and wearing wrestling slinglets carrying tray after tray of free shots and drink orders..always fun. The men, the women, the house music. The staff already has a nickname picked out for me...wrestle boy jr. I think it's pretty much fantastic. Considering that I get to be me..half-naked, dancing and drinking booze. I've turned into what my man Jeff calls a "nightlife monkey". Sure enough that's what I am. I work mid-day, and serve the drinks at night. I was serious when I was telling all of you that I wanted to give gogoing/bartending a shot. I'm just lucky that I found all the right connections. Last night, I helped a friend from Barracuda film a music video for his latest single and it was getting glammed up (body glitter, tons of eyeliner, and again the wrestling slinglet) and dance in his video. I can't wait for the Ari Gold video shoot coming up. Speaking of dancing, I was excited to see Nima and Dustin in the lastest issue of HX because I'm also in there from the night I was gogoing at Mr. Black. I look horrible, but it's fun to see familiar faces magazines.
I'm a little burned out, but mehhh that's what summer is all about. ;)
...more later
We all know that last week was Gay Pride and that I'm still recovering but let me tell you - I had so much fun. Who doesn't want to be trashed by noon, followed by hot men and dance around to amazing music? I mean hello!?! I've networked and made so many new friends..started a new job (kinda on the DL) and even met a few famous people. About a week ago, Laura Linney and Eric McCorrmick both came into my store a day apart from each other, but Laura came in three times that week...to the point that she and I talked about weather, dogs and being busy. She now knows me by a first name basis and I now know her drink - Grande Chi Latte. (Eric's was a double tall skim extra foam latte in case you were interested ;) ) I've found a few cute bars down in the village that are my latest hot spots to 'wine & dine' and dance like a complete fool and to be honest, I love it. I was so excited too, when my BEST friend Lauren came into town for a Bachellorette Party. She spent the first day and 1/2 with me and came to party with me and my boys and let me just tell you..I think we have to have a pt. 2. I celebrated most of my pride week drunk, hanging out with all the boys and watching them kick out the creepy old men from bars who seem to think it's okay to touch themselves in public to the point of erection and think nothing of it. What was his excuse after Edward told him off, "Fuck you mannnn" and he peaced out. And fast. Day after day, I was bar hopping and anticipating the parade and let me tell you...I opened from 5-9am then went to brunch from 10:30-1:30 and then another party from then to 6:00 and then hit the sack. I was soo tired that I think I slept in til 3pm the next day. I've never had so much fun, which is why this weekend I'm taking it a notch down. It's too crazy and it's all rainy and shit and I much rather curl up to a good movie with beer and chips and salsa.
Mr. Black is always amazing. Getting dolled up and wearing wrestling slinglets carrying tray after tray of free shots and drink orders..always fun. The men, the women, the house music. The staff already has a nickname picked out for me...wrestle boy jr. I think it's pretty much fantastic. Considering that I get to be me..half-naked, dancing and drinking booze. I've turned into what my man Jeff calls a "nightlife monkey". Sure enough that's what I am. I work mid-day, and serve the drinks at night. I was serious when I was telling all of you that I wanted to give gogoing/bartending a shot. I'm just lucky that I found all the right connections. Last night, I helped a friend from Barracuda film a music video for his latest single and it was getting glammed up (body glitter, tons of eyeliner, and again the wrestling slinglet) and dance in his video. I can't wait for the Ari Gold video shoot coming up. Speaking of dancing, I was excited to see Nima and Dustin in the lastest issue of HX because I'm also in there from the night I was gogoing at Mr. Black. I look horrible, but it's fun to see familiar faces magazines.
I'm a little burned out, but mehhh that's what summer is all about. ;)
...more later
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Can I Get A Thank-You!
"I'm trying to figure out the mystery of how to make a gay friend. Whenever I meet a gay guy, its just way too flirtatious from the start. And then screwing around complicates stuff, cause there is always that fragile line between friend and fuckbuddy that is too easily crossed. Quite a fun line to cross, and cross, and cross again.. But see this is my problem!" -M.M.
That being said.
Come say hi to me at Mr. Black tonight!
♥
That being said.
Come say hi to me at Mr. Black tonight!
♥
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Gay Gay Gay.
Summer is barely here and I feel like I've already had a busy, complete summer. Promotions. Internships. This one guy. I don't know, it's crazy to think that I've drastically changed over this past year than I think I've ever changed say in the past 5 years. I think the "shy Mathew" no longer exists and I'm quite pleased that I'm more outspoken. But back to summer, can I just say how tired I am of the rain? It's rained so much within the last month, I can't take it anymore. I am however in love with the past couple days' weather because the sun has been out, the tan is in gear and come on let's be honest, who doesn't look good in a tan? ::shrugs shoulders::
So I've taken on dogwalking as a side job for summer to earn a little more cash, because you know what they say, "mo money, mo shoes". And I'm officially hooked. I get to dogsit in these beautiful apartments in Chelsea, and get to 'own' 6 dogs, without paying the price for actually owning ONE of those dogs. They are too cute and it definitely helps me relieve some stress and gather my thoughts. So does painting, which I've been doing more of now that I have down time to actually paint and not paint semester thesis paintings. I'm trying to juggle many things come to think of it. I've been promoted to manager, which I've realized does not mean more authority, but more responsibility. Meh I'm pretty good at multitasking. I'm actually thinking about bartending because I'm pretty slick at the bar. I'm looking into it now. Watch out. LOL
So the past couple days, I've been thinking. I have quite a few walls that need to come down. I was summarizing my weekend while doing laundry because I was probed to kind of pour out feelings and emotions that I've never really expressed until then, and to be honest, it felt very nice. I'm used to writing or listening to music (while painting) and I'm not going to lie - I loved every second of it. At first, I was feeling a little defensive but I realized that no one has ever really probed or been curious about my life and all it's details. My past, my future and my current status of my being. Hey you, thank you. It's nice to connect with someone on that level and feel comfortable being me and expressing myself the only way I really know how? Anyway, the point of this paragraph is to just thank you and I'm very appreciative and humble of what we have. It feels nice.
So I'm ready to be gay for Gay Pride coming up this month, I'm ready for Sex and the City and anything that may fall in between because now that it's summer, the short shorts and tank tops are out! I'm gay gay gay. Mehhh what can I say...suck it!
So yeah, guess who the painting is. xoxo
So I've taken on dogwalking as a side job for summer to earn a little more cash, because you know what they say, "mo money, mo shoes". And I'm officially hooked. I get to dogsit in these beautiful apartments in Chelsea, and get to 'own' 6 dogs, without paying the price for actually owning ONE of those dogs. They are too cute and it definitely helps me relieve some stress and gather my thoughts. So does painting, which I've been doing more of now that I have down time to actually paint and not paint semester thesis paintings. I'm trying to juggle many things come to think of it. I've been promoted to manager, which I've realized does not mean more authority, but more responsibility. Meh I'm pretty good at multitasking. I'm actually thinking about bartending because I'm pretty slick at the bar. I'm looking into it now. Watch out. LOL
So the past couple days, I've been thinking. I have quite a few walls that need to come down. I was summarizing my weekend while doing laundry because I was probed to kind of pour out feelings and emotions that I've never really expressed until then, and to be honest, it felt very nice. I'm used to writing or listening to music (while painting) and I'm not going to lie - I loved every second of it. At first, I was feeling a little defensive but I realized that no one has ever really probed or been curious about my life and all it's details. My past, my future and my current status of my being. Hey you, thank you. It's nice to connect with someone on that level and feel comfortable being me and expressing myself the only way I really know how? Anyway, the point of this paragraph is to just thank you and I'm very appreciative and humble of what we have. It feels nice.
So I'm ready to be gay for Gay Pride coming up this month, I'm ready for Sex and the City and anything that may fall in between because now that it's summer, the short shorts and tank tops are out! I'm gay gay gay. Mehhh what can I say...suck it!
So yeah, guess who the painting is. xoxo
Saturday, March 15, 2008
"Beautiful Boy"
Is the current book that I'm reading, and I know I know it's so typical because it's the new 'top-seller' at Starbucks but my boss let me take a copy so I can refer it to customers who seem interested in it. I do have to say that it's quite addicting. No pun intended. :) So my weekend started a little earlier than I wished. Opening sucks major because a.) I have to go to bed way early to get a decent amount of sleep and b.) I'm screwed if I miss the 4:40am train. But nevertheless, I enjoy it because I get to see all my regulars and people who I really enjoy seeing on a regular basis.
So I'm at the end of the platform (last car because it drops me off at the perfect exit on 96th St) and there is this man snoring so loud on the opposite platform, it actually distracts me from reading. All these ghetto black girls start throwing gum or trash or something at him yelling at him to wake up because he's annoying everyone underground at 28th St. I kinda felt sorry for him, because the harrassment was kinda intense. Either way, I was happy each time the express train came through because for that brief 30 seconds or so, you couldn't hear his snoring.
The train ride wasn't any better. Why is it that everytime I get on the train at 5:00 in the morning, there is nothing but homeless men curled up, sprawled out, stretched out on the subway seats. The car is filled with this lingering scent of B.O. and smelly feet. It was so brutal but I didn't want to move because I was too lazy. I decided to just bury my face in my scarf and continue to read. Remember, the book is already interesting and I'm still in the introduction. I did notice something though. About a month ago, when I had to trek uptown to get my tips from work, I had my painting of Ike that left yellow oil paint in this awkward pattern on the floor by the 2 center poles. Sure enough, it was the same train, same car because I remembered the paint marks. Crazy.
So I'm happy that I get to see my mother's face everyday now. Painting these 9 heads for my painting class is turning out better than I imagined it would be. People are noticing the faces without asking, "who is that supposed to be??" which is flawless because that means I'm doing a good job. But anyway, on that note, I'm doing a portrait of my mother, so I have this photo copied image of her that I'm using as a reference, but as my bookmark for "Beautiful Boy". I can't believe that her birthday is this month. She would have been turning 50 this year. 50. I don't know about you, but I can't believe that time has flown by this fast. I mean we're already at spring break, half way done with 2nd semester and then it will be summer. Summer always flies by so fast and then 2nd year will start. I can't even believe that I'll be a sophomore in college. (For those who know, you know that college in NY is such a big deal for me lol) I'm just excited because I can feel the urge to learn and the talent is strengthening. I'm just anxious to be in 3rd year or something. I'm just impatient.
::deep sigh::
So I'm once again beating away boys with sticks and winding up feeling lonely. It's only been 6 months since "he who should not be mentioned broke up and to be honest, it feels like it's been a year. I'm over him and I'm sure he's over me but I still feel like I'm not ready to jump back in a relationship. 3 years was a long time and I can't just date anybody. Everyone already assumes that I'm dating him and that you're my boyfriend, but I'm just ready to be in any position of titles and restrictions and anything that may come with the whole package. I think I'm enjoying my single life. I love being so productive that I have no time to do anything. It means that I'm doing what I love. I'm in school monday through friday, I'm pulling in 20 hours a week and I'm still managing to do volunteer work for work and school all while planning rehearsals for Miss FIT. I have an intense schedule and let's be real, do I have the time to play boyfriend? Meh, one could disagree. I do have to admit that I hate playing the heartbreaker. I don't like seeing that look in your face, his face or even my own face. I think it's all just bad timing. I don't even have time to get emotional about it. I wasted 3 months crying every night asking myself what I did wrong, when in fact it's not anyone's fault. It's just timing. Trying to force a square to fit perfectly inside a circle. I'm no magician, so I don't want to keep spinning around trying to find a solution. Fuck that. ;)
After working a long day at work, it felt nice to just sip on some coffee and sketch a little in the cafe section at work. The weather is gorgeous and I really should take advantage of it. Maybe a picnic with mini wine boxes or a photoshoot in central park...I don't know. Maybe just go walking in spring clothes. Either way, I'm just in a good mood.
Who's with me?
So I'm at the end of the platform (last car because it drops me off at the perfect exit on 96th St) and there is this man snoring so loud on the opposite platform, it actually distracts me from reading. All these ghetto black girls start throwing gum or trash or something at him yelling at him to wake up because he's annoying everyone underground at 28th St. I kinda felt sorry for him, because the harrassment was kinda intense. Either way, I was happy each time the express train came through because for that brief 30 seconds or so, you couldn't hear his snoring.
The train ride wasn't any better. Why is it that everytime I get on the train at 5:00 in the morning, there is nothing but homeless men curled up, sprawled out, stretched out on the subway seats. The car is filled with this lingering scent of B.O. and smelly feet. It was so brutal but I didn't want to move because I was too lazy. I decided to just bury my face in my scarf and continue to read. Remember, the book is already interesting and I'm still in the introduction. I did notice something though. About a month ago, when I had to trek uptown to get my tips from work, I had my painting of Ike that left yellow oil paint in this awkward pattern on the floor by the 2 center poles. Sure enough, it was the same train, same car because I remembered the paint marks. Crazy.
So I'm happy that I get to see my mother's face everyday now. Painting these 9 heads for my painting class is turning out better than I imagined it would be. People are noticing the faces without asking, "who is that supposed to be??" which is flawless because that means I'm doing a good job. But anyway, on that note, I'm doing a portrait of my mother, so I have this photo copied image of her that I'm using as a reference, but as my bookmark for "Beautiful Boy". I can't believe that her birthday is this month. She would have been turning 50 this year. 50. I don't know about you, but I can't believe that time has flown by this fast. I mean we're already at spring break, half way done with 2nd semester and then it will be summer. Summer always flies by so fast and then 2nd year will start. I can't even believe that I'll be a sophomore in college. (For those who know, you know that college in NY is such a big deal for me lol) I'm just excited because I can feel the urge to learn and the talent is strengthening. I'm just anxious to be in 3rd year or something. I'm just impatient.
::deep sigh::
So I'm once again beating away boys with sticks and winding up feeling lonely. It's only been 6 months since "he who should not be mentioned broke up and to be honest, it feels like it's been a year. I'm over him and I'm sure he's over me but I still feel like I'm not ready to jump back in a relationship. 3 years was a long time and I can't just date anybody. Everyone already assumes that I'm dating him and that you're my boyfriend, but I'm just ready to be in any position of titles and restrictions and anything that may come with the whole package. I think I'm enjoying my single life. I love being so productive that I have no time to do anything. It means that I'm doing what I love. I'm in school monday through friday, I'm pulling in 20 hours a week and I'm still managing to do volunteer work for work and school all while planning rehearsals for Miss FIT. I have an intense schedule and let's be real, do I have the time to play boyfriend? Meh, one could disagree. I do have to admit that I hate playing the heartbreaker. I don't like seeing that look in your face, his face or even my own face. I think it's all just bad timing. I don't even have time to get emotional about it. I wasted 3 months crying every night asking myself what I did wrong, when in fact it's not anyone's fault. It's just timing. Trying to force a square to fit perfectly inside a circle. I'm no magician, so I don't want to keep spinning around trying to find a solution. Fuck that. ;)
After working a long day at work, it felt nice to just sip on some coffee and sketch a little in the cafe section at work. The weather is gorgeous and I really should take advantage of it. Maybe a picnic with mini wine boxes or a photoshoot in central park...I don't know. Maybe just go walking in spring clothes. Either way, I'm just in a good mood.
Who's with me?
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Stories Pt. II
UGH.
One thing I hate, is being sick. Sure I can take the medicine, get plenty of rest and just relax, but it's so hard to do that when my semester is already 'in too deep'. I love it though. I feel productive and I like that I'm busy. Almost enjoying it too much. My classes are great, my professors are amazing and I'm actually thinking choosing a different block than everyone else was a smart decision. I love meeting new people, we all know this, so it's great to be surrounded by different personalities.
But I just have something to kinda confess? So I forgot that it's Ash Wednesday and it reminded me of this time last year I was totally clueless of what it was. Raised Christian, I've never seen the 'marked forehead' so when I saw one person with it, I thought I should tell them that something must've fallen from a scaffolding or something but as I was walking the streets of New York, I noticed that a lot of people has this mark. Growing up primarily in L.A. and Dallas, I never saw this act of religion so I thought it was something from Exorcism of Emily Rose and it sorta freaked me out. Shows how much I know right?? Anyway, I am now "well-rounded" with my knowledge, but still it just reminded me of that. I found out that other people wanted to tell people they had marks on their face today as well, so I didn't feel so bad about my history with Ash Wednesday.
Anyways, I'm a little sleepy and I am procrastinating my poetry homework...how is everyone, now that the semester has 'officially kicked in'??
Mmmm calm and green ginger tea....
One thing I hate, is being sick. Sure I can take the medicine, get plenty of rest and just relax, but it's so hard to do that when my semester is already 'in too deep'. I love it though. I feel productive and I like that I'm busy. Almost enjoying it too much. My classes are great, my professors are amazing and I'm actually thinking choosing a different block than everyone else was a smart decision. I love meeting new people, we all know this, so it's great to be surrounded by different personalities.
But I just have something to kinda confess? So I forgot that it's Ash Wednesday and it reminded me of this time last year I was totally clueless of what it was. Raised Christian, I've never seen the 'marked forehead' so when I saw one person with it, I thought I should tell them that something must've fallen from a scaffolding or something but as I was walking the streets of New York, I noticed that a lot of people has this mark. Growing up primarily in L.A. and Dallas, I never saw this act of religion so I thought it was something from Exorcism of Emily Rose and it sorta freaked me out. Shows how much I know right?? Anyway, I am now "well-rounded" with my knowledge, but still it just reminded me of that. I found out that other people wanted to tell people they had marks on their face today as well, so I didn't feel so bad about my history with Ash Wednesday.
Anyways, I'm a little sleepy and I am procrastinating my poetry homework...how is everyone, now that the semester has 'officially kicked in'??
Mmmm calm and green ginger tea....
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Stories Pt. I
So I'm on the phone with a friend and he tells me that he has something to confess to me. Pretending to not be alarmed, I secretly have this gut feeling that it's something about me or towards me and that I'm looking at this from all angles. He tells me that this whole time, his hair has been fake. That he wears a toupe and that he wanted to tell me asap. So for the longest time, I'm sitting here, jaw wide open trying not to laugh because that's pretty dang funny. Took me a while to figure out that he's a pretty good liar, actor, whatever and that he's just pulling my leg. Crazy, I'm trying to be less gullible as I usually am, but ::shakes fist in air:: I gave in. LOL
::deep sigh:: My trip to Dallas is coming to an end and I'm actually excited. If you've been keeping tabs to my previous notes, you would know that by now I should be curled up somewhere going insane about not being in school. I think that FIT has the longest break and should shorten it up a bit. It's too long. But maybe I'm just impatient, because I'm going through this phase where I want to be greedy and do all things dealing with fashion. Sitting in fine arts, I find myself thinking, "OH! I'm good with my graphic sense, maybe I should see what fashion illustration is like" and then that branches off to "well if I can do that, I want to design my dream gown: silk-chiffon with tulle and what not with a killer heel". We all know that if I'm going to have killer heels it makes me want to go to accessories because I've been to NoHo plenty of times to the one and only shoe store because it's any gay man's dream. Think about it, you can make any heel, any size and any fabric to make it. So I'm going a little insane with this 50 degree weather knowing that New York is in a deep freeze and I just want to be in that ice city going to school dreaming about whatever all in my fine arts class.
UGH.
Mmm, this reminds me of why I think I love fashion so much. Ohh this is rich, I have a story for you. Okay so growing up I tried to lead the "boyish" life that most only child-absent father tries to live. I had my old school nintendo and upgraded to a sega and even though my mom was anti-secular "anything" she bent backwards all in the name of boyhood. I even tried soccer and let me tell you, I never kicked a ball once. Soccer slowly, no, quickly to gymnastics and let me tell you, between learning piano and a little spanish, I was flipping and cartwheeling and being gay as any 6-7 year old can be. So, one day I was sitting in my room of our "enormous" two-story apartment in downtown Dallas (which I thought was big because I've always been little, so at age 6 - it was a castle) and I was trying to fix this old transmitter that was under my bed pretending that I heard E.T. say my name or that some lost pilot was S.O.S(ing) and that's when the damage hit. My mom's closet was open and there they were, here 4 1/2" heels were screaming my name and I was instantly hooked. So set aside that I was 6 and a gymnist, I'm now twirling around in my moms closet in a pair of heels. Next, I grabbed this skirt and tied it with a belt or shoelace or something at my chest and even tied there, it was a full-length gown on me. Remember, I've always been little. So after being caught twice, I learned that I this is what I should NOT be doing. I just started twirling in my closet. Wow, if no one in my family knew I was gay then..there were plenty of sign in the years to come. Helloo, the sharpied "naughty parts" on all my step-sisters ken dolls..but that's another story for another time..
So I guess all this storytime started with that confession over the phone over a toupe. :)
Wow, I am so gay.
::deep sigh:: My trip to Dallas is coming to an end and I'm actually excited. If you've been keeping tabs to my previous notes, you would know that by now I should be curled up somewhere going insane about not being in school. I think that FIT has the longest break and should shorten it up a bit. It's too long. But maybe I'm just impatient, because I'm going through this phase where I want to be greedy and do all things dealing with fashion. Sitting in fine arts, I find myself thinking, "OH! I'm good with my graphic sense, maybe I should see what fashion illustration is like" and then that branches off to "well if I can do that, I want to design my dream gown: silk-chiffon with tulle and what not with a killer heel". We all know that if I'm going to have killer heels it makes me want to go to accessories because I've been to NoHo plenty of times to the one and only shoe store because it's any gay man's dream. Think about it, you can make any heel, any size and any fabric to make it. So I'm going a little insane with this 50 degree weather knowing that New York is in a deep freeze and I just want to be in that ice city going to school dreaming about whatever all in my fine arts class.
UGH.
Mmm, this reminds me of why I think I love fashion so much. Ohh this is rich, I have a story for you. Okay so growing up I tried to lead the "boyish" life that most only child-absent father tries to live. I had my old school nintendo and upgraded to a sega and even though my mom was anti-secular "anything" she bent backwards all in the name of boyhood. I even tried soccer and let me tell you, I never kicked a ball once. Soccer slowly, no, quickly to gymnastics and let me tell you, between learning piano and a little spanish, I was flipping and cartwheeling and being gay as any 6-7 year old can be. So, one day I was sitting in my room of our "enormous" two-story apartment in downtown Dallas (which I thought was big because I've always been little, so at age 6 - it was a castle) and I was trying to fix this old transmitter that was under my bed pretending that I heard E.T. say my name or that some lost pilot was S.O.S(ing) and that's when the damage hit. My mom's closet was open and there they were, here 4 1/2" heels were screaming my name and I was instantly hooked. So set aside that I was 6 and a gymnist, I'm now twirling around in my moms closet in a pair of heels. Next, I grabbed this skirt and tied it with a belt or shoelace or something at my chest and even tied there, it was a full-length gown on me. Remember, I've always been little. So after being caught twice, I learned that I this is what I should NOT be doing. I just started twirling in my closet. Wow, if no one in my family knew I was gay then..there were plenty of sign in the years to come. Helloo, the sharpied "naughty parts" on all my step-sisters ken dolls..but that's another story for another time..
So I guess all this storytime started with that confession over the phone over a toupe. :)
Wow, I am so gay.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Trying To Distract Myself From The Man.
Trying to distract myself from the man who is probably the reincarnation of the devil himself.
Thanks to him, my mother's items are going to be auctioned off in the matter of days - unless I come up with $170. Now you can call that stress. No more trying to study the day of, no more running for the train that specifically comes at 4:44am and it's now 4:50a. This is stress. We all know that I'm not anywhere near NY and that I can't just negotiate with the man I used to love - He really screwed me over. People wonder why I "tense my eyebrows" and that's probably why I'll always have those 3 creases on my forehead. My stress level is out the roof. The only thing keeping me from going insane is the fact that I write. I'm open about most things which is now that I realize, a wonderful trait to carry. I'm not afraid to hold back how I really feel or embrace the feelings or thoughts that come to my mind. But really, I've learned my lesson with fighting with words. It always comes back 10x worse, and hits me harder because he's an excellent writer. I could write a pamphlet and he'll send a novel.
I'm sorry. This is my mother's stuff. How are are you going to NOW tell me that you've been 2 months behind on storage "rent". How are you going to tell me that NOW knowing that I won't return to the city 'til the 25th. That it's my problem now how to figure out how to salvage the last of my stuff from Dallas, the last of my mom's stuff, the last of ME in the matter of days. And for you to be sitting in your new apartment with all MY furnishings knowing that what you did...you know I can't take back any of that furniture, you thought I'd have a better life in the dorms. And refusing to pay me for anything you took...sure why not throw in paying the storage. Fuck the ex-boyfriend. Fuck his deceased mom's things that are on the other side of the island. Fuck Matt.
I just want to know, am I that kind of person that deserves this kind of behavior. Is this God's or someone in the stars' revenge for all the things I've done? Is it that easy to be cruel. Either that, or it just comes natural. I'm not sure.
Just know that the mother you refuse to call back or show affection to, I'm the one sitting with her over coffee and lunch - talking, laughing and hoping (praying) that maybe someday. She's like the mom I never had. Well at least she still loves you.
Never again.
I will say that even though I have every right to be upset and outraged, I'm not going to be. I remember saying around this time last year, that it's all about 2007. It's going to be an amazing year and even though it turned out to be worst year of my life, I'm not going to let this guy ruin 2008 for me. This is not foreshadowing my year, nor will I let it. If he wants my furniture and dishes and pots/pans and bed and anything that is mine...let him keep it. It will be a forever reminder of who he was with and who loved him with every bone in his body. Let him feel surrounded by things of someone he will never see again. And that my friends, is what 2008 is alllll about. It's all about growing up, moving on and finding out who YOU are. So all I can say is you screwwwwed me Will Truman!! lol
:P
...make it funny
Thanks to him, my mother's items are going to be auctioned off in the matter of days - unless I come up with $170. Now you can call that stress. No more trying to study the day of, no more running for the train that specifically comes at 4:44am and it's now 4:50a. This is stress. We all know that I'm not anywhere near NY and that I can't just negotiate with the man I used to love - He really screwed me over. People wonder why I "tense my eyebrows" and that's probably why I'll always have those 3 creases on my forehead. My stress level is out the roof. The only thing keeping me from going insane is the fact that I write. I'm open about most things which is now that I realize, a wonderful trait to carry. I'm not afraid to hold back how I really feel or embrace the feelings or thoughts that come to my mind. But really, I've learned my lesson with fighting with words. It always comes back 10x worse, and hits me harder because he's an excellent writer. I could write a pamphlet and he'll send a novel.
I'm sorry. This is my mother's stuff. How are are you going to NOW tell me that you've been 2 months behind on storage "rent". How are you going to tell me that NOW knowing that I won't return to the city 'til the 25th. That it's my problem now how to figure out how to salvage the last of my stuff from Dallas, the last of my mom's stuff, the last of ME in the matter of days. And for you to be sitting in your new apartment with all MY furnishings knowing that what you did...you know I can't take back any of that furniture, you thought I'd have a better life in the dorms. And refusing to pay me for anything you took...sure why not throw in paying the storage. Fuck the ex-boyfriend. Fuck his deceased mom's things that are on the other side of the island. Fuck Matt.
I just want to know, am I that kind of person that deserves this kind of behavior. Is this God's or someone in the stars' revenge for all the things I've done? Is it that easy to be cruel. Either that, or it just comes natural. I'm not sure.
Just know that the mother you refuse to call back or show affection to, I'm the one sitting with her over coffee and lunch - talking, laughing and hoping (praying) that maybe someday. She's like the mom I never had. Well at least she still loves you.
Never again.
I will say that even though I have every right to be upset and outraged, I'm not going to be. I remember saying around this time last year, that it's all about 2007. It's going to be an amazing year and even though it turned out to be worst year of my life, I'm not going to let this guy ruin 2008 for me. This is not foreshadowing my year, nor will I let it. If he wants my furniture and dishes and pots/pans and bed and anything that is mine...let him keep it. It will be a forever reminder of who he was with and who loved him with every bone in his body. Let him feel surrounded by things of someone he will never see again. And that my friends, is what 2008 is alllll about. It's all about growing up, moving on and finding out who YOU are. So all I can say is you screwwwwed me Will Truman!! lol
:P
...make it funny
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Something Random.
How amazing is Golden Girls.
I know I know, laugh it up but I bet you that if you were to sit down after a long day of work you'll probably get hooked. And no, not because your brain is already dead but because it's a "feel-good" show. It's so outdated and the furniture and music is so tastefully tacky, that's a few of the reasons why I get hooked. How ridiculous Dorothy's clothes are or how they can get away with so many dirty inside jokes when it comes to Blanche. I think it's amazing because they seriously talk about every topic, every issue known to the average guy/girl and I think it's great because anyone (especially in the gay community) could probably relate themselves to Blanche yet alone quote every line she says haha. Well I think I could go on and on with why I love the show but that's not why I'm writing.
I think it's funny how we don't give strangers enough credit for actually being nice. Tonight at dinner this guy was making eye contact with me for the longest time, so when we finally exchanged words we ended up talking about how cold it was and how I was from Dallas and it never gets this cold in TX. He and I talked about what we were eating and how healthier, yet appetizing the food was and that led us to New Year's resolutions. I told him I wanted to go Organic or something similar and that I was tired of being unhealthy. That I guess I jumped in a resolution that all of New York (or anywhere in the U.S.) has mentally said they want to do for 2008. After making a cute, "I don't think you have a problem" (while eating carbs) it was nice to know that I was making small talk with a total stranger yet not having any sign of awkwardness. He told me that his resolution was to write in his journal more. We both joked around about how we hate handwriting in journals and how it's all about computers now and that's true. I've transferred all my journals from my childhood to present to blogger. I've combined everything I have to one journal so I can keep track of my memories. It's nice to have everything organized. Maybe though, I'm so tempted to print everything from 1998 to now because I want to close this chapter of my life. 3-ring this shit and just not worry about it. We'll see. He was just nice and maybe it was just another innocent flirting encounter, but I enjoyed myself talking to someone I didn't know.
I think the shy Mathew is no longer shy shy. I've opened up so much that sometimes I get caught up in forgetting that I once was so introverted, but now I applaud the person I have become.
p.s. who knew that the L Train has all the cuties...who knew
I know I know, laugh it up but I bet you that if you were to sit down after a long day of work you'll probably get hooked. And no, not because your brain is already dead but because it's a "feel-good" show. It's so outdated and the furniture and music is so tastefully tacky, that's a few of the reasons why I get hooked. How ridiculous Dorothy's clothes are or how they can get away with so many dirty inside jokes when it comes to Blanche. I think it's amazing because they seriously talk about every topic, every issue known to the average guy/girl and I think it's great because anyone (especially in the gay community) could probably relate themselves to Blanche yet alone quote every line she says haha. Well I think I could go on and on with why I love the show but that's not why I'm writing.
I think it's funny how we don't give strangers enough credit for actually being nice. Tonight at dinner this guy was making eye contact with me for the longest time, so when we finally exchanged words we ended up talking about how cold it was and how I was from Dallas and it never gets this cold in TX. He and I talked about what we were eating and how healthier, yet appetizing the food was and that led us to New Year's resolutions. I told him I wanted to go Organic or something similar and that I was tired of being unhealthy. That I guess I jumped in a resolution that all of New York (or anywhere in the U.S.) has mentally said they want to do for 2008. After making a cute, "I don't think you have a problem" (while eating carbs) it was nice to know that I was making small talk with a total stranger yet not having any sign of awkwardness. He told me that his resolution was to write in his journal more. We both joked around about how we hate handwriting in journals and how it's all about computers now and that's true. I've transferred all my journals from my childhood to present to blogger. I've combined everything I have to one journal so I can keep track of my memories. It's nice to have everything organized. Maybe though, I'm so tempted to print everything from 1998 to now because I want to close this chapter of my life. 3-ring this shit and just not worry about it. We'll see. He was just nice and maybe it was just another innocent flirting encounter, but I enjoyed myself talking to someone I didn't know.
I think the shy Mathew is no longer shy shy. I've opened up so much that sometimes I get caught up in forgetting that I once was so introverted, but now I applaud the person I have become.
p.s. who knew that the L Train has all the cuties...who knew
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)